The February Post

Here we are. Almost half-way through January. I like starting off a new year - thinking of what's to come, looking back on the last year. It's good. A new start every time. But then, we get to about right now and the feeling comes back. The feeling of February.

Eleven years ago, it was just February. The shortest month of the year - even when we get to add an extra day. But ten years ago - February changed. For me. And for my family. My sister had triplets. All boys. Boys that were supposed to be born in May. Born, instead, in February. They had 2 different birthdays. I didn't even know that could happen, but I didn't know a lot about preemies back then. My first nephew (K) was born on the 6th. My second (L) & third (B) were born on the 8th. B got his angel wings on the 10th. K got his angel wings on the 21st. L - he turns 10 this year.

I lived blocks away from my sister when the boys were born. I worked blocks away from the NICU where L lived for his first 4 months of life. I visited him over my lunch hour almost every day. I was the first to hold him after his parents. And I will never forget - it felt like holding a blanket. He was so tiny. He had everyone in the family wrapped around his little finger. Me - yeah, he still does. I love him (and his sister, who arrived the following year) so much. And I miss his brothers so very much. Every first he's had - I think of them. Every sad moment. Every happy moment. Every - moment. I wish they could have stayed.

So, February's tough. It got tougher a few years ago. Again. For other reasons. I just don't like February.

Last year, I tried to head it off. I posted something on Facebook in January about the coming month - hoping it would be a good one. On February 4th, 2012, my pastor and his wife - both very good friends of mine, were killed in a car accident. They left 4 kids - from junior high to just out of high school. That would hit hard anywhere. But in our small, tight-knit community, it was a huge, devastating loss.

I don't like February.

This year - I'm expecting bad news. Every bad thing that could happen, I'm afraid will happen - in February. I'm not trying to have a negative outlook, but after 10 years it's hard to not want to zip through the upcoming 28 days with my eyes closed.

This morning, our pastor's sermon was on Matthew 6:25. Do Not Worry. Okay, point taken. But that's like telling someone not to look at something when it's right in front of them. They will look. I will worry.

No grand conclusions in this post. Nothing other than hoping February surprises me this year. I've specifically planned fun into it, much like I've tried to do 9 other years - maybe minus 1. May February bring a wonderful 10th birthday party for a fabulous nephew, wonderful memories of loved ones, good times to remember next year, and nothing out of the ordinary. Amen.