The M Word

I'm in wedding up to my eyeballs right now. Whether it's checking one more item off the to-do list, driving myself batty trying to determine if I'll need to literally sell a kidney to pay for everything in the debt column, or receiving one more of the approximately 100 gazillion daily emails from David's Bridal and all associated conglomerates. Mind you, I can't unsubscribe to these emails, lest I miss a deal . . . 

And, no, I'm really not complaining. I am beyond ecstatic to be engaged to the love of my life and planning a wedding. Well, the first part . . . not as much the second part. But elopement was apparently much less appealing to one individual in this couple. Regardless, I'm not UN-happy to plan a wedding.

Since this wedding stuff is all in my head - and everywhere around me - I pay particular attention to certain articles, posts, blogs, etc. And I've noticed something that I suspected previously - and, honestly - pretty much already knew. It's all the wedding. The wedding. Wedding. Wedding. Wedding. There's a random "honeymoon" thrown in once in awhile, for variety. There is so very little "marriage".

A recent post on Momastery, my most favoritest blog in all of the land, was quickly picked up by the Huffington Post. Not uncommon. However, when my favoritest blogger in all of the land wrote "WE'RE UP ON HUFF PO MARRIAGE!", I noticed the M word. I didn't remember seeing a "marriage" section before. So, off I went to peruse. In my review, it appeared "marriage" and "wedding" are essentially synonymous. Except they aren't.

I'm not here to extensively discuss the overly-abundant focus on weddings by many people. I'm also not here to say what's right - or wrong - for every person on God's green earth. I am, however, here to provide my thoughts. It is, after all, my blog. And, yes, I'm divorced. That doesn't take away my opinion on marriage. Perhaps, it strengthens it. Maybe. Maybe not.

A wedding is a ceremony. I want to be your wife. You want to be my husband. Let's say these things in front of our friends and family and then have a party to celebrate. A marriage is not a party. It's a decision to love, commit, trust, be there - for the rest of your life. Every day. And it's HARD. If it wasn't hard, half of marriages wouldn't fail. It's also a DAILY decision. For me - yes, I am drowning in wedding right now - but the MOST IMPORTANT part is the M word. The M word is so unbelievably exciting and, equally, terrifying to me. Because I want to do it RIGHT. And I know that I'll fail. Keep reading - I don't mean that how it sounds. I mean I'll let him down. I'll make mistakes. I'll say things I later regret. I'll do all the stupid things that people do - and I hate the word stupid. Because I'm not perfect. And, guess what? Neither's he. He'll let me down. He'll make mistakes. He'll say things that hurt my feelings. He'll do stupid things.

And WE are telling each other that, in our marriage, we'll forgive. We'll communicate. We'll work out the hard stuff. However we have to. Whenever we have to. THIS. This is where I focus when "wedding" throws me on the ground. I am choosing to put marriage ahead of wedding every step of the way, when everywhere I look, wedding is shoving itself in my face.

Yes, I'll still drive myself crazy making flowers (um, yeah - MAKING FLOWERS) and OCDing on every detail of the W word. But that's not the finish line. It's the starting gun. Part II, Chapter 1. The M word? That's the good stuff.